Wednesday, March 19 – A Retrospective

Names changed to protect the blah blah blah.

DRINKER #1:

So today my Twitter would read something like this:
843am car smells like a cantina.
904am am pulling up to the office, go me considering I was inhaling enchiladas approx 6 hours ago.

DRINKER #2:

Mine would look like this:
7:00 Wake up late, in pain, head and mouth hurt for two totally different reasons
7:40 Have spent last 40 minutes dicking around my apartment, decide I really do need to get in the shower (which I usually do before 7) – I am going to be late, very late
7:41 While in shower, think of all the ways I would like to call in sick/quit today
8:35 Finally leave my apartment (am already late to work), regardless, decide I must stop at Starbucks
9:00 Get to work, promptly inhale mint brownie that was left on my desk, swing by Drinker #3’s desk to get the Vicodin she hopefully brought me but she’s not there
9:20 Wishing I could die/quit/go back to bed

DRINKER #3:

Hmmm.
8:00 – alarm rings….nope
9:00 – finally get up, stagger around apartment that looks like I got home and literally threw my purse at wall – contents all over entire apartment
9:10 – no eggs today, still full from gigantic Mexican “fourth meal”
9:15 – put same shirt on that I wore yesterday (why? I have no answer for this) and jeans. Wonder why my nose is so red.
9:20 – get in car, note that I have Drinker #1 jacket (sorry), put some makeup on driving to work (obviously having learned nothing from my accident over the weekend)
9:25 – consider all the secrets Drinker #1 now knows about me and wonder how much of an eye I need to keep on him from here on out
9:30 – come in back entrance for work (btw, I never come in late), tell Sarah I’m a terrible friend and have obviously forgotten her Vicodin
9:40 – see that I have a new blackberry on my desk that might be the most complicated thing I have ever seen in my life.
9:45 – concur with Drinker #2′s wish to die/quit/go back to sleep
9:50 – drown sorrows in swimming-pool sized cup of coffee

But, really, we should do it again .